Your relationships with people are about to change. All. Some connections will become stronger. They probably won't be with those, which you expect. People, that you want to accept change well, they may not be able to do so for a number of reasons. Some will be provoked by selfishness. Others will be the result of other circumstances. They are all forgivable, because no one puts cancer in their plans. Bitterness or anger will not help your recovery. Fighting someone standing next to you will not cure you. These, which can, they will be by your side.
You will strive to have more energy, than you really have. You will be convinced, that you think soberly, that you can handle it all and that you don't need anyone. You will run out of energy. Your body will change first, and then your mind. You will not lose your mind, your memories or sensitivity. They will recover. But you will be different. You will never feel the same way. You have to accept it. It is possible that your old self was really great. But your new self will be even better. Indulge in this, which happens, and trust him.
You will feel fear. Although you are usually resilient, confident and seemingly invincible, you will finally confess to yourself, that you are afraid. Cancer is scary and incredibly confusing. The unknown will eat you worse than the disease itself. You will need something, to distract you. Music and sleep will probably be those, which you will resort to the most. Reading will become difficult. As well as watching TV, movies, the conversations, writing and everything else. It is no coincidence that they call it “chemo brain”. However, at some point you will feel normal. Just differently normal. When you are scared, lean on those, who are around you. Cry. Be vulnerable. You are vulnerable. You will have time to show strength, but preventing weakness, your worries will take over, and your condition will worsen. Let it all come out. Shout, if it is necessary. Drink, when you sing. Cry uncontrollably. Apologize for the mood swings. Treatment and medication will often be the cause. People, who love you, they will understand.
People, who love you, they will be just as frightened, as much as you. And maybe more. They will worry, even when they smile. They will think, that you feel more pain than them. They will think about it, that you are dying and how to prepare for life without you. They will go through a process, which you will never understand, as they will never understand this, through which you pass. Let them. Forgive them, when they do not understand. Practice your patience, when you can. Know, that these, which can, will be waiting for you, when you get to the other side, and together you will be able to laugh again. And cry together. Then a moment will come, when you live fully again, and this is the moment, in which you understood, that you have won.
The sooner you realize, that you are mortal, the sooner you will be able to tune in to the survival wave. There is a possibility that you will not succeed. Just as there is a chance to succeed. Don't look at statistics. You are unique and that, what is happening inside you, is unique. Your struggle is only yours and there are too many factors, to compare yourself to others in your condition. No one will want you to think about death, but you will have no choice. You will think about her from now on, in which you find out your diagnosis. Take it easy. Then turn every thought into faith, that you will not die. You will defeat him. Your focus on this will be greater than any treatment, to which you are subjected.
Doctors and nurses will be your consolation. You will feel safe with them. If this is not the case, you must change these immediately, who provide the health service. No time to waste. This is a game, which must be developed according to your rules, and not by someone else's rules. When the right people take care of you, you will understand immediately. Do not allow insurance, money or bureaucracy to prevent you from receiving treatment, what you deserve. There is always a way. Find those hands, whom you can trust in your life, and do it. They will quickly bring you a sense of calm. They will take the time to answer your questions. There will be no stupid questions for them. They will do anything, to make you feel extremely important to them. They will never make you feel, that they have no control over things. They will be honest and available at all times. They can even become your friends. You can celebrate with them for months or years, after you are cured. They deserve your daily gratitude and respect. If you get angry with them during treatment, know, that they will forgive you. They are aware, that you are going through something, which they cannot imagine – but they understand better than anyone else. They see him every day and decide to be there, to make the worst experience of your life more bearable.
You will need to find your balance after treatment. Start looking for it during therapy. Eat well. Sleep well. Listen to your body. Learn more about meditation. Experiment with light exercises. Get massages and other body therapies. Go to a psychologist. He will guide you through this journey in a way, which you could not imagine. Don't let pride get in the way of talking to someone. You can't afford to keep strong emotions to yourself, which appear with the fight against such a disease. Pour them for yourself. You will begin to hear your voice in a new way. That voice is you, facing death. Listen th. This will be the cleanest, the most authentic form of your Self, which you once knew. Introduce this person to the world - with your own strength, weaknesses and everything else. Be that person forever.
You will inspire others. It will be strange to you. People, with whom you have not spoken since school, they will look for you. Ex-girlfriends, former colleagues … even people, which you considered, that they don't want to talk to you. The interest in your seemingly fading life will be stronger than ever, which you have ever experienced. This support is this, which will turn his dying life into one, who survives. Be grateful for every message. Appreciate every gift and every visit. There will be moments, in which all this attention will make you feel more lonely, than you have ever felt in your life. In the hospital room, in all people, messages and emails, you will feel completely alone. Then you will realize, that you can afford to build a stronger bond with yourself. Use this opportunity to explore your personality. Love yourself more than ever and realize how much love there is for you. Then start sharing that love. You will understand, that even if you are the most needy person, you can still donate. Giving will make you feel better, than to accept it.
When you cross to the other side, you will not believe. They will tell you, that the disease is gone. All, that you know, they will rejoice and return to their old lives. You will constantly wonder if she will come again. This feeling will slowly fade, but cancer will always be a part of you. It will determine how you will see the world from now on. You will realize, that it is foolish to think about the future, because the present suddenly becomes extremely important to you. Don't stop. You will be more creative and productive. You will find out who really loves you, because they will still be by your side. You will want to meet new people, which are recognized by the new version of your old self. You will let those go, who do not understand who you are now. You will feel guilty, that you do. Then you will continue. You have no time to lose. The greatest gift, which you received, is, that you now know it and will make the most of every second. You will be the most enthusiastic person, which continues forward. Turn that passion into a bigger goal. Become fearless again.
At the age of 27, I was diagnosed with leukemia. Now on 28 r. I was told, that I have no traces of the disease in my body.
Jeff Tomcek is a freelance writer and founder of C2Bseen, a company, which offers consulting services to niche brands and entrepreneurs.
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